Well I’m back, it’s been 19 days, I was hoping it would’ve been sooner because days turn into weeks and so on, as you can see by my last hiatus of 662 days. Anyway, I’m hoping to make this writing thing a habit as I had planned when I started this blog almost 3 years ago. Thanksgiving has come and gone and to my wife’s dismay I finally realized that I really don’t like Thanksgiving all that much. It’s almost as bad as Christmas, all the running around, all the shopping and preparing, for what, I don’t get it, I thought I did in the past, but I just realized that I’m doing all of this out of habit, family tradition, because I think I’m supposed to. My kids all wonder why I get so stressed out on Thanksgiving, but what they don’t seem to realize is that all they do is show up and eat, they don’t do all the shopping and spend the abundance of cash on all this crap. They don’t have to waste Thanksgiving Eve and Thanksgiving Day cooking and preparing right up till the second we sit down to eat. Then when everyone is done eating who gets to clean everything up, that’s right, me and my wife. Why do we clean up you ask, well that’s so everyone can come back to the table to make another mess eating dessert, and do I need to tell you who cleans up that mess. That’s what has been happening for the past 30 plus years, I must be crazy. Well I’ll leave it at that because I really could go on and on especially since Christmas is just around the corner.
Now on to something different, today my father would have been 75 years old. He doesn’t get to celebrate because he killed himself when he was 60, I’m sure it was not intentional, but he’s gone all the same. He took my mother and grandmother with him, it was listed as an accident (pilot error), but I know it was an inevitable fate for him and whoever happened to be with him at the time of his demise. I’ll make this real short about the circumstances, he owned his own plane, his depth perception was all but gone, the last year I flew with him I would not let him land anymore, I warned him that he should not be flying, that it would eventually end his life, and it did, end of story.
But that’s not why I brought up my father, his birthday gave me an excuse to write about him but the reason is because over the 14 plus years my mother and father have been gone, I really have not missed them. I was hurt in the beginning, the first couple of months or so, but that’s it, after that it was back to just normal everyday life. My wife doesn’t understand it, sometimes I wonder myself, but I just look at their deaths as life on life’s terms.
I know if my mother and father were still alive today there would have been some big bullshit birthday party for Dad tonight. On the guest list there would’ve been my two-faced brothers and sisters with their less than desirable spouses, all with their counterfeit smiles and insincere wishes. It’s so amazing that they all thought they were always getting over on everyone, when in truth everybody was privy to their lack of morals and ethics and just basically humored them and still do. The single exclusion to that group is my youngest brother, he’s not perfect, as none of us are, but he’s got a heart of gold and I trust him with my life. In the future I will get more explicit about the lives my brothers and sisters have lead and the way they have deceived their family, friends and most of all their naïve spouses, that’s if I choose to waste my time on them, we’ll see.
Well I’m just about done for the evening, Dad wherever you are “Happy Birthday”, you weren’t too bad, but you also weren’t so good. I know I was a real pain in the ass, to say the least, with my addiction issues and I know that you and Mom dealt with it the best you could, but you both could have done a helluva a lot better. See, Karma has stepped right into my path and has given me an addict or two to deal with, but as frustrating and angry as I might get, I will never stoop to the level you and Mom lowered yourselves too. The two of you deliberately and maliciously abused my wife, my children and myself, when I think about what you did to my family it makes me sick. I know you’re not here to defend your actions, but the bottom line is you both were heartless and you’re both guilty as charged. I will cover this subject one day in detail and maybe, just maybe I might somehow through my writing be able to forgive the two of you, I really doubt it though. I know my writing this evening was not very exciting, but I just needed to write anything so that I might get in the habit of writing again.
One last thing, I thank you Gin for putting up with me, believing in me and most of all for loving me through all the ups and downs, you are the “Light of My Life”.
Goodnight all………..
RLM